I'm not black enough...

Can someone explain to me what is being black enough?! I don't understand when people come at me like that. is it because l have a lot of white friends, or maybe because l am in college and not on welfare, or maybe because l don't shake my booty at every guy who grabs me in the club...? This is me, l have an English accent, l like to dress nice, l date guys out of my race and l don't like kool-aid so deal with it. My personality is not determined by the color of my skin. I am what l am, l am my own special creation. I love being black and trust me sometimes being a black female has its own perks you know. I find it funny that white people find attractive because l am black while guys in my own race shy away from me because l am too white. Get over it people! This is my rule if you are nice to me and we get along and have alot in common then we will be friends regardless of the color of your skin. The main reason l am not friends with alot of black people at my school is because of the way they treat me. The guys just want to bust a nut and when they find out that l don't roll like that they start rumors about me. The girls are just angry at me for no apparent reason and keep giving me death looks so excuse me but l know which side my bread is buttered.

I hear ice cracking...

So my roommate/best-friend went and got herself a boyfriend that about 3 weeks ago right. As all new relationships go they spent every waking moment together you know she slept over there every single night and all those things that people do when they are in love. I wouldn't have an issue with this but her entire perspective completely changed. She spent time with him and his friends now and if you weren't part of that dynamic then you were out-casted. l have to admit this got to me real bad because l was like hey l have been here for a minute and all of sudden this guy shows up and l get kicked out! I tried talking to her but she would only change for like a day or two and then she is back to the same routine as before. the whole of last week l was feeling really down and alone because a-lot of things were going on with me and she just wasn't there or she would try to fix it with a quick half hearted slack stick solution which just made me feel worse. Finally l had a good talk with one of my other close friends and decided to carve out my own little new routine and expand my friend circle. This worked really well because l am good at that kind of thing and l can adapt to fit the mood if need be. So we decide to have a girls weekend to kind of reconnect you know. The problem with this girls weekend was first off she just spent the whole shopping trip on her phone texting her boyfriend and this just got on my nerves. Luckily l saw this coming and invited a mutual friend to join us so l just reverted my attention to the other girl and proceeded to enjoy my day at the mall. Then we got back and she decides he didn't want to go the play that we were all supposed to go to. I let that off the hook and ended up spending time with one of my other close friends who was sick in bed, it was fun! Then the time came to go partying and she went ahead of us with some other girls, l just followed behind and played it cool. Soon enough she discovered where her bread was buttered because the other girls may be partying with us but the friendship dynamic in that group were very well drawn out, so eventually she came crawling back to me and l was already enjoying the party and having a great time. Anyway after the girls weekend l feel like things between her and her boyfriend have taken a slow turn. She actually slept in the room last night which is something that has not happened in a long time without someone having to ask nicely. I feel a little awkward about the whole situation because l have already carved out a new routine for myself and it involves her not being there mostly. I cant just drop everything and go back to the way things were just because she doesn't have her person anymore. Now she has to start rebuilding what little friendships she still has standing because she isn't spending as much time with her boyfriend anymore and l feel that she is stating to feel a little lonely. In a way l should be sympathetic and accommodative you know but i juts cant do it. The reason for this the fact that l warned her more than once that even though she has a boyfriend she still has to keep in mind her friends because when it all come crashing down you want to have people to catch you. So l guess my word of advice today is the same advice l live on, never ended your friendships for a relationship because l promise you when it all comes tumbling down you will go down to the depths of loneliness and you do not want to be there. As a friend l supported the relationship through and thorough but when my emotions started to be kicked around and sidelined for someone else then it started to get a little too uncomfortable for me. I did not interrupt or ask her to put aside her time with him for me so l feel that the 10 minutes l get in the week should be for me and should not be sidelined for someone else. He gets hours so i think l can get 10 minutes please. So as a friend l hear ice cracking but lm not walking across the ice to save anyone, some lessons just have to be learnt the hard way.

Don't phunk with my heart...

Don't you just hate it when people just mess round with your emotions! It really gets o b my nerves to no end! I'm generally a very happy and caring person but when people take advantage of me the then we are at odds and i will get my karma in motion. so this guy l was talking to had the huge fight with finally texts back and we have a good conversation. ; mean he tells me that he is having family issues and he is at home dealing with that and all that, and l being the nice person that l am l offer a shoulder and some good advice you know.I genuinely care about how he is feeling and l am so concerned. but from what l saw toady l don't know if l can believe anything he has told me so far like seriously. he was all like lm still upset over the fight and l was thinking hey this guy is going through alot so let me not press this issue so l raise the white flag and accept that l was wrong to just avoid another unnecessary argument. he keeps pressing the issue and telling me that l was wrong and all that and l take it you know because lm am a nice person but wow l guess there was no need to be nice. Anyway l figure l will meet people like that through put my life but you what l have resolved... I refuse to let the actions and bad energies of other people to make me bitter so you know what lm going to continue to be happy and carefree and nice to everyone. This is my life and nothing you do will ever alter the way l see this beautiful world. I have wonderful friends and an amazing family so the ups and downs of love will not leave me wounded and bitter, rather they will make my life hat much more interesting. You will never find me saying anything negative about guys because l believe everyone should be given a clean slate to start with no 2 guys are alike and just because the last one was a douche does not mean that the next one has pay for his sins. I would like to think l can cheat it all to make up for the times l was cheated on. If you are lost and alone and you are sinking like a stone, carry on because no-one can stop you but you.

Hot Problems (official single) - Double Take

So l woke up this morning and l was introduced to this music video or whatever you want to call it and l was just in shock like straight up!

On behalf of all hot girls out there who aren't idiots l would just like to say we do not in anyway endorse/approve this video and its message. yes we have problems and sometime people make up crazy rumors about us but this is not the way to address that problem. The sensible among us keep our heads up, get to work and keep our goals in sight.

These two are just sad excuses of hot girls. In terms of real beauty these two possess none and l suggest they get off their high horse and get their feet firmly on the ground. Girls this is no way to act and l know you know better so please just focus on your grades and leave the music industry to the real artists.

Recent update on me.

So l haven't posted something new for a while now and thats mostly because l have had a lot of changes going on in my life right now. I feel like nothing is ever constant right now and everything could just change in a heartbeat which is kind of scary l should say. Right now lm at Community service, it really isn't much l just have to sit at the student diversity center for like 2 hours and that is the whole thing. For those of you wondering why lm even doing community services in the first place it was because l got caught drinking underage at a party. It sucks though but hey if you do the deed you gotta pay the price right. So my love life isn't going so hot right now. l met this guy and we had a really great connection but we recently had a huge blow out and l don't know if he is ever going to talk to me again, we will find out soon because l sent him a text and if he doesn't reply then l know that it is so done. lm hoping he replies though because l wouldn't mind patching things up and going back to the good old days. I could rant about how he was wrong and of course he was wrong l mean l just sent him a text telling him about how l don't like the way he addresses me when he texts sometimes and he just went off on me! it was a really bad fight because we finally ended it at like 3 in the morning and we left it sort of open so l don't know what to think. Personally l wouldn't have texted him because that would be admitting defeat but my friend told me that sometimes l have to lose and just get over it so yah, l have accepted defeat in this case. l have to tell you accepting defeat is so not cool and it feels crappy but hopefully it will resolve everything...if not then my friend is so in for it! So that mostly what is going on, oh yah l changed my major to Poli-Sci now l figured the sciences where not where my passions lie and l would rather do something that l actually like than be stuck in classes thinking "Kill me now." The only problem with this change is that l haven't told my parents yet and l don't know how they are going to react. I cant practice politics in my country because the political game in my country is just way too bloody which is a reason why my parents might now love my recent career change. Maybe l can just not tell them until graduation, l mean they don't have to know right....

Financila Issues...2

So now l have by some miracle lowered the balance l owe the school to $600. Pretty impressive hey but lm not out of the woods just yet. i have a meeting with the financial services director on Friday to see if they can get me an extension with the $600 just till the end of the month hopefully.

Oh and my roommate thinks she might be pregnant...not good. Haven't seen her since last night though and she doesn't know that l know so we will have to just wait and see hey. I think she went to get the morning after pill or something.

Well see you later individuals thats the update so far.

Financial issues...

So l need to come up with $5000 in like 24 hours... I have no idea where l am going to get it. l have been having mini heart attacks all day and lm about to find the nearest bottle of vodka and drink me some peace at least.

The money is to pay for school really so thats why lm totally freaking out. l have no idea how lm going to get out of this one. lm actually mad at God right now and lm not even sure if l want to believe in hi anymore. this whole school has been one thing after the other and all because l want to go to college....the irony of the situation hey.

Well thats my life right now if anyone out there can offers me help l would be glad to take it.

Untitled Poem l just wrote...

Who is the god of color and race and heritage
tell me who he is that l may go to him,
sacrifices made with pure heart,will l give him,
For my heart has grown weary and my roots lie exposed.

My own color betrays me while my masters pledge their loyalty to me.
They call me exotic therefore different from all others
The distance that years me up inside makes me worthy to them.

I am wined and dined by my conquerors yet devoured by my fellow soldiers,
Their eyes pierce my soul and they judge me from behind closed doors,
their distant words filled with lies and shame reach my ears
they create circles that end without me and place me in triangles that don't exist.

And so disgraced l turn to my masters who pledge their loyalties.
For what am l to do but accept it and offer them my own.
Some things they do not understand and never will,
Some words they utter about my fellow soldiers are cruel
but what can l do for self preservation is stronger than compassion.

10 things l never want to hear...

1. I broke your Ipod.

If anyone ever says that to me l guarantee you that shit will go down! I love my Ipod to death its like my baby and if anyone does anything to my maternal instincts will kick in. I mean its only reasonable right....lol!

2.Can we have sex.

If you have to ask me to have sex then honey you are doing it wrong and you need to get up out my face. That shit cray!

3.You are skinny

Yes l weigh 102 pounds but don't you dare tell me that l am skinny. This is not coming from a conceited weight issue thing but because when l was growing l was made fun of for being skinny so to me that will always come across as an insult. So just stay away from that phrase.

4. You have to pay.

Okay so l have to admit l am a material girl so what get over it! I love shopping but l also love not having to pay and lucky for me l haven't had to pay much of my life so yah don't utter those words to me.

5. Hook me up with your friend.

I have played hired matchmaker for a while and l always ended up in very weird situations. I hooked up my friend and the guy always choose to text me to tell her stuff and l ended up basically as the middle man to the point where l had to break up with him and l wasn't even in the relationship so yah keep that to yah!

6. Lets get divorced.

I am Catholic so getting a divorce kind of means that l am stuck single until your lame ass drops dead. People live long these days so you can understand where my dislike for this phrase comes from.

7.Your parents have been eaten by cannibals.

This is kind of random but l heard it in the mean girls movie and l thought, "Wow l wouldn't want to hear that either!"

8.Ghosts talking to me

Its ghosts need l say more!!!

Okay so l couldn't come up with 10 things...sue me! Have a good day/night individuals! :)

The importance of punctuation!

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."

And that is why punctuation is so important! l just though l might liven things up with a joke because really l just like to laugh and have a good time despite my tumultuous life!

SuperHead Problems....

Now l honestly understand why Karrien 'SuperHead' Stefans wrote that book exposing all the major rap stars because they were 'B*tch-Niggas' and it was payback time.

Unfortunately it turns out that l have become the 'SuperHead' of my small suburban college the only difference is l don't even know 80% of the guys l have supposedly given head to and the other 20% have never gotten more than a hug and an hour of us watching tv! So basically whenever a guy asks me to give him a BJ and l say no he turns around and tell all his friends that the infamous "Superhead' has finally graced his presence and he is pleased....In turn all his 2 of his friends who l never met will chime in that they too have had the pleasure(no pun intended) of the infamous "SuperHead', after which the group will sit back drink a couple of cheap disgusting beers and rave about how much of an easy push l am.

Who knows maybe l can turn this into a best-seller just like the amazing Miss Stefans...will see.

Badass Friends....

I have come to the conclusion that there is never a moment of peace and quite in my life.....NEVER!

Here l was chilling on my laptop when my roommate/bff comes in. She opens up with the line, "We need to talk..." now lm sitting there like WHATTTTTTT?????! Then she tells me that one of my guy friends has had the balls to be telling people behind my back that l am easy! Imagine that, of course l was pissed! The last thing you ever want to do to me is be a fake a** B*tch-Ni**ga! that is just not going to fly with me! I serious felt like taking a baseball bat and just swinging it at his head until l saw blood and lots of it!

What people don't understand is behind this sweet face and funny, carefree personality is a person capable of recking untold amounts of havoc! I don't have a brother so that means l had to fight my own battles and those of my sisters so l can throw down if need be!

So l called this guy up to get him to meet me face-to-face, but of course in the way of B*tch-Niggas he skipped out on me. He didn't even have the guts to pick up the phone, like WHaTTTTTTT!!! Grow a set dude okay!

So for all those out there who like to say crap about people when they are not looking you better be able to say it to their face!

Shit Single girls say

Okay i am about to go on a major single girl rant right now. Not over guys, or blind dates or extremely tight corsets that are supposed to make me look like Angelina Jolie but better( yeah they don't work trust me), but about my friends who happen to be couple!



So lm single right and l love it, l love not having to share a bed with some sweaty male and l love th fact that l can go out on dates with different interesting people every week,awesome this is basically how my dating life is set up, l have my permanents who l know l can hang out with whenever and then l every weekend l go about to a party and usually end up meeting a fabulous guy who will be in my life for a maximum of 2 weeks, until someone more interesting come along.... at the same time l have 2 friends who are a couple and sometimes l party with them you know they sit in a corner and drink and talk while l dance the night away with some stranger l just met the we go home and l slip into my bed happy and they share a twin size bed l don't know how they feel about that.



I must admit that they have shown a little dislike in they way l do things but l like guys lm single lm allowed to go out and meet new people! One time the guy told me to go change my outfit because the shorts l was wearing were too short....they are shorts thats the point!!!!!



Anyway what really set me off was last night. We were hanging out you know having some drinks nd having a good time and we got a little faded.We decide to go over to the boys dorm and hang out with some friends over there who were watching a movie, so we get there and l am having a ball as usual and they are just barely getting by. So we see this cute guy walk by and one of my guy friends says he can hook me up so lm like "make it so"!



So he hooks me up and me and this guy go into his room to you know get to know each other. the problem is the girl of the couple kept coming in and wanting to find out what was going on, l told her nothing that we were just chilling but she kept insisting that l go home and go to bed! I am like what! why would l want to go home when l am having such an awesome time like WHATTTT are you serious go back to your boyfriend and leave me to my enjoy my new found company!



It turns out they were waiting for me for the longest time and wanted me dragged out of that room, strapped to my bed and dosed withs sleeping pills. Finally my friends convinced them to leave but not before they expressed their disappointment in me..... Uhm excuse me but disappointment?



You two are in a relationship why in the world are you interested in what l am doing, is it really that boring. I am singe

and 20 for crying out loud if l wanted to sleep with the guy l do not need your permission or approval to do it. This is what happens when the fun in your relationship is non-existent before 1 am in the morning and dies out the minute you get out of bed. as for me



Single People Unite and Protect your right to meet new people!

The trouble with relationships...

I haven't posted in a while and that is because l had midterms this week so it gets kind of crazy you know.

Anyway the main issue bugging me this week is my best friends relationship. I have a feeling her boyfriend isn't all that into her anymore you know and that is kind of bugging me a little.

The thing is me and this guy have been friends longer than my him and my bestfriend. he asked me to hook him up and by the fabulous Match-making powers l had vested in me by Cupid l made it happen! Side note l am awesome at matchmaking like for real, but l suck at picking my own dates~ it a blessing and a curs, woe is me!

Anyway so l hook them up and things kind of start out a little rocky...The still are rocky because sometimes he just acts like a dick but she just brushes it off and keeps begging for his attention until he gives it to her. I don't know about you but that sounds off to me.

Last week we slept over in his room and he was in my bed for the longest time and we were just playing around and stuff. I mean it was fun but dude its like 4 in the morning can you go back to your own bed where your girlfriend is waiting for you and get out of my bed. She did stay awake for a whole waiting for him to come to bed but he wasn't coming so eventually she feel asleep.

While we were playing around in the sheets certain places were touched and he did say he liked my boobs so l was like, what!!!! he isn't supposed to like my boobs at all that not cool dude!

But like thats whats up l don't know what to think of the guy because he does have his own smooth ways of dealing with girls. another thing is they don't really have much of a conversation, so my homie was saying that maybe he is just not that into her anymore. he thinks that the guy is just hanging around for the sex now thats all.

e

The Romantic Era Teach Me How to Dance

Absolutely love this song because it helped kick start last night! Awesome band!

Thinking about a new post

I had a crazy Saturday night and l feel it should be documented but l am feeling to tired to like sit down and write out an entire post....(Ahhhh l hate how lazy l can get sometimes!)

Maybe after dinner and a mountain of cupcakes and Mountain Dew l can crank out an epic post worthy of last night. we will see, but this night will be documented i'm just not sure when?